May 1st

Dear Diary

I haven't written in awhile, but its because things have been so hectic as of late that I just haven't had the time. Avalon is in ruins and monsters walk the streets at night. The manor is very safe from them, but even then I wonder about it as I see shades floating by my window, wanting to get in. Resting in my bed, I'm recovering from an accident that happened on my last adventure. I was killed by a field of black mushrooms, according to Luna and Olivia, but I don't remember it happening. Just choking and everything going hazy and then dark. I can remember it all, what death was like…the last things I heard was Olivia's screams and begging me not to go. The light…I remember seeing a light then.

It was warm there, where ever it was I went. Sally was with me, but not like a crystal…she looked just like me, but different. Her hair was crimson as her eyes, and looked at me with such hate in them that if I were alive at the time, I'd be dead twice over. She spoke to me about what happened to us…about what “he”did to us. Uncle hated us, hated our kind so much that he used me as an experiment to test all sorts of ways to kill psions. I was…disassembled, resurrected, experimented on until there was little left of me. Sally, however was not angry because of that…she was angry…at me.

She told me why she was so mad: I was running away from her. No, not from her, but from the truth about myself. Sally was never an evil entity, rather she was the embodiment of all the pain and misery that was given to me by those who did what they did to me. Pain I wasn't willing to face again and had blocked off from my mind; I had used her…abused her. It was my fault. I gave her all my woes and as I did, my poor psi-crystal was filling up with negative energies and, though my mind, became manifest and lashed out at me in times when I needed her help…taking control…endangering the lives of my allies…friends…loved ones…

What happened there, Its hard for me to explain…I saw my mom and dad there, In this place of light and warmth. They held Sally and me, and I wanted so much to stay with them, but the nice old man with the head of a bird told me I couldn't stay. He said that I had to go back, that my time on the world wasn't finished and that I couldn't run anymore…that I had to understand that the only way I can fully understand myself is to be one whole person again. That I would see my mom and dad again when my time was gone and could be with them on the other side. I cried…because at first, I wasn't willing to go back. Then I heard Servia's crying…so many missed me back there…and I felt two pairs of arms, wrap around us…pulling us together…and gently carrying us back. For the first time in my life, I knew…I knew that Gods and Goddesses existed. We were made whole again, Sally and me…now it's just me…Yuria. No more cries in my head…no more screams in the night…I feel…different now…complete…unified…I'm not angry like she used to be or am I always afraid anymore. All I'm left with now is longing, as if all that I've been through, all the pain…all the suffering…the crying…and anger…was for something else. I want to understand myself now, and I think I'm ready to grow up.

Sally wanted me to suffer, not because I was weak or stupid but because I has to see the truth. I had to stop running. The woes of this world, the world of the living, can't be ran from nor can they be ignored…I see that now as my weakened body recovers from the shock of resurrection. A body that big sister and miss Tonia worked hard to cleanse and repair for me. The damage is done though, I'll never be able to utter a word again for the rest of my days. With Sally reunited with my consciousness, I will need to make a new psicrystal to translate my thoughts and be my companion again. Maybe I'll name her "Misha" after my mother…if I can't somehow get Sally back.

I owe so many people my life now, and I hope to one day repay that kindness two…no ten fold, but I don't know how I will. Servia needs me now, needs us…and I will not leave the mansion again unless Luna is with me. Next time, I'll stay put when I see a gas cloud everywhere. Now I fear and loathe the Underdark with a passion and I will -never- touch another mushroom again for as long as I live, not even on a sandwich.

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