April 2nd

April 2nd

Dear Diary,

Sayeed Dakheel said it might be a good idea that I put my words and thoughts on paper, to help me deal with whats going on with me. I wish others could understand how scared I am, but at least this way I'm able to express it better than in words spoken.

I can speak now, but why? Sally is gone, but I don't feel the sense of loss that comes with losing someone. I try to reach out to her but nothing happens, like…she's hidden from me. Did I lose her somehow when I was kidnapped? Remembering, or rather trying to remember what happened to me doesn't help. It's not blocked out or anything, It just…feels…like I've lost almost a week of my life and don't know why, just…waking up in the cellar of an inn somewhere in Avalon, bleeding from between my thighs, arms, neck and face. Some of my nails are missing too…did I put up a fight?

Lucius doesn't trust me and thinks I'm not who I say I am…or he does and thinks something is wrong. He's not alone in it, but I'm more scared that he is. What was done to me over that week I was gone? I feel…different somehow. Like…there's something hiding inside of me, wanting to break out. Wanting to let go…wanting to…

It feels like I've starved of something and want it so bad, I'll kill for it. My skin is covered in marks and scars now that I don't remember getting and nothing Servia does removes them…and the back of my neck burns at night when I try to to sleep.

Sleep…I get naps now and then, never a nights rest. I have nightmares now…a voice in the darkness, crying…begging me to let her out. It's not Sally, but…it sounds like…like me. Am I missing something that is under my nose?

Maybe Sayeed Dakheel can help me in the morning. I hope so, I need sleep.

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